Counterfeit Culture

Hey Fuckstick! We're the hottest finest fastest and most fuckable underground & indie music blog ever to have existed. We review albums from bands you ain't ever heard of, or ever will. If you've ever listened to a radio station which isn't pirate, GET THE FUCK OUT, if you've brought a CD from a SHOP or BRANDED ENTITY just die - or go back to sucking THE MAN'S love meat. However, if you're so fucking indie - like us - then maybe it is worth you hanging around and checking us out. We're the one true church of music.

 

Stacky Theme by Andrew

My Panda Shall Fly - Sorry I Took So Long



Sorry I Took So Long contains the required wet popping noises of a ping pong ball being blasted from the masterful vagina of a bangkok hooker and hip-hop inspired tape-warble to place it firmly in the “post dubstep” landscape.
 
Yet this particular part of that sound-scape real-estate equates to something more like daft-punk asleep at the wheel of an aging hipster coach trip to the seaside. It’s headed for somewhere like Bournemouth if you’re interested, which you’re not.
 
Video game noises litter the streets of this seaside town like sweet-wrappers - but not identifiable ones; in short there is nothing of  real nostalgic substance here, no right hook to your jellyfish-head to remind you of summers indoors playing Kid Chameleon and Toejam & Earl.

Yet this is a little unfair. If you were somewhere really fucking cool, but with nothing to say, and this was playing at ear-bleeding volumes you wouldn’t care - but then you’d be focusing on your own reflection in the coke-dusted mirror-table-tops anyway.


There are some good starts here - but they inevitably wander off down the beach, far away from the tune. Sometime you think there might be a rallying call when a few lost and abandoned ideas (if you’re not back at the bus by 4.30pm we’re leaving you here) gather under a burnt out pier - but you’ll be disappointed.

But hey, WHY THE FUCK take my word for it when you can HEAR, SEE, BUY RIGHT HERE.

Fifty/Fifty - Political Affairs

National pride. Some think it’s out of fashion, some think it’s been made illegal by insane jobsworths (turns out the people who believe this are insane jobsworths), and others make music to celebrate it.

Enter stage left: Fifty/Fifty. British? Yep. Young? Yep. Angry as a badger with a hangover? Certainly. Proud of their country? As much as anyone could want them to be.

Political Affairs is a drama played out through a series of every English sounds; jangly hook-heavy guitars, deep-dubstep inspired bass, relentless but unobtrusive drums and a very average man shouting like singing as best he can.

What does he shout about? Well, he shouts about how he’d like Kate Middleton to give him a blowjob on the eve of the Royal Wedding - producing gems like: “You could be my angry pirate Queen / While you’re looking at William I’ll remember how you were winking at me.”

It’s run-over almost-rhymes which make the delivery so perfect, like the song’s lyrics implode and topple like waves breaking and crashing. And it seems to have turned me all whimsical, the cunts.

Other tracks imagine Blair and Clinton taking turns with Hillary, John Major’s early and unpleasant meetings with Michael Howard (best not talk about that really) and what I’ll only describe as a “Thatcher Solo.”

An album that does what it says on the tin, some will find the subject matter unpleasant, other (cool people) will understand the lacing of civic pride, rise to the occasion and sing the national anthem while thinking of the queen sitting on the throne, naked surrounded by loyal corgi’s. Fifty/Fifty, Political Affairs: You’ve got half a chance to enjoy it.